Bonus

a. Are there any issues you had with your parents, school work, friends, or romantic involvements in the last two years of high school that continued to be issues for you in college?

Yes, I had all of the above. I fought with my parents, when all they wanted to do was help me. I had a very dysfucntional romantic relationship that scared me for years.  And I moved away from my best friends my last years of high school. Lets just say I still work on some of these things on a regular basis.  I feel that I never fully developed a positive self concept.

b. Reflect on your own personality, interests and cognitive abilities at the time you graduated high school.  How have these personality characteristics and abilities continued to manifest themselves in subsequent years ? How have they changed since your high school days, if at all?

I am a pleaser.  I tend to put others before my self.  I used to think that was a good characteristic but as I progress through life I realize it is a manifestation of poor self esteem.  Maturity is about the only thing that has changed in my personality.  My personality appears to be set.

****** 18 ******

1. As the program ends, what pathways does your child appear to be on in terms of physical, cognitive, social, emotional and moral development? To what extent could you have predicted these pathways based on what you knew of your child's earlier development?

Sam's physical development seems to be average to slightly above average.  He played baseball through most of his schooling years.  He never seemed to reach that star status, which only discouraged him a little.  He enjoyed the sport and enjoyed the team atmosphere.  Sam has developed the belief that his body's physical development is important in life.  He has taken care to maintain shape through sports and healthy eating and to avoid drugs because he felt he was an "athlete."  I believe he will continue on this path through out his life as physical fitness has been a focus for him his entire life.

Cognitively Sam is amazing he has strong reasoning and logic skills which is displayed in his straight advanced placement A's .  Socially, Sam is quite, yet well respected.  He seemed to follow all the "norms" when it came to experimentation and risk taking yet avoids the "major" pitfalls.  Sam has good moral reasoning, which kept him out of trouble when exposed to drug's, stealing and girls.  Sam has had 2 serious girlfriends and several "best" friends.   Emotionally, Sam is stable.  He has had one bout of a "depression" like state.  He had a falling out with friends and ended up sulking around the house for a few weeks.  Besides that he tends to be pretty easy going and happy go lucky.   I feel he will do well in the working world, he is going to be attending a very selective college next year which will help tremendously when he sets out in the working world.  Once there Sam has leadership skills.  He will listen to what co-workers have to say, use his logic and reasoning and take the appropriate course of action.  He will be well liked as he is not overbearing.

When Sam first started getting assessments back in preschool we knew early on that we had to intervene and do everything we could to help this developing mind and body be all that it could be.  It wasn't until about 2nd grade that we really felt we were out of the woods with possible adjustment problems.  His love for words, reading, drawing, and math was a pretty good predictor that he was going to do well as long as he had caring guidance.

2. Describe some specific ways in which you think your parenting mattered for your child’s development, based on evidence from the course regarding the contributions of parents to child development.  

In the beginning of this class we were posed with the question what is more important, Nurture or Nature.  At the time I felt Nature was the primary force for development.  Throughout this course and the raising of this virtual child I have come to the conclusion that Nurturing is paramount when it comes to a child's development.  With out the loving guidance of an authoritative parent the child has little chance of developing self esteem and self reliance.  With out those very crucial elements it is difficult to direct ones own life.  There would be barriers to social development.  Education would be limited to the amount of participate in class.  With out self esteem one would be less likely to go out for sports or other extracurricular activities.  Without quality parenting a child is stranded.

3. Describe some specific ways in which your child developed that appeared to be influenced by 

factors outside your control, such as genes, random environmental events or the general influence of contemporary middle-class American culture.

I feel we have same great direction in school, we were diligent with homework and communicated with teachers regularly.  However, that is only the tip of the iceberg.  So much of what Sam did throughout school was done through work of himself and with teachers.   He joined clubs that interested him, ie the math club.  Now I would not necessarily have steered him in that direction but he did it and was very successful. He developed leadership roles in these clubs which will certainly help as he progresses through life.  

As for culture, Sam fortunately was raised by two college educated, caring parents in a middle class environment.   He did not necessarily want for anything and everything was not handed to Sam.  He had to work for the "extras" he wanted.  Sam did not have to experience the financial and emotional hardships that come with growing up in a lower SES society.  Sam was also able to reap the benefits of two educated parents who understood the importance of education in today's society.

Assignment 11 - 16 years

1. Think about your teen’s cognitive strengths and weaknesses and how they are reflected in his or her school grades and activities from 14-16 years of age. What careers or courses of study might be best suited to your teen’s abilities and interests?

Sam has good reasoning skills as demonstrated by his excellent aptitude for mathematics and science.   He also appears to be developing a good moral understanding, particularly with his peers.  He recently had an encounter with a friend on the way home from school, where they discussed personal views.  Sam listened intently to the peers view point but not until he got home did he verbalize his indifference.  Sam is a listener, he takes time to consider what has been said and then draws his conclusions.   

Sam's personality tends to be more of the investigative type, he likes working with "ideas" (pg 359).  I think he would be excellent in the field of science as this is something he both enjoys and excels in.  I believe Sam would also do well in some form of engineering or architecture do to his spatial abilities,  drawing skills and creativeness

2. How important have your teen’s relationships with peers been to his/her social development, emotional well-being and school achievement from 14-16 years of age? 

Sam has had great success in school.  He is on a winning baseball team which has helped his self esteem and has been a constant reminder that his body needs to stay in peak physical condition and therefore is choosing not to do drugs.  Yeah for sports and moral self-relevance!  Additionally, Sam is on the Math team and because of Sam his school won their first math contest.  He must have got that from his father!  Sam also takes on leadership roles in the clubs he is involved in at school.  Which is such a long way from his days of preschool when he was fearful of playing with friends.

3. How has your teen adjusted at 14-16 years of age to typical adolescent issues such as risk-taking, drugs, alcohol, and sexual interests, and how have you responded to your teen? 

I was amazed how much risk taking Sam was involved in this past year.  He came home from a party smelling of marijuana.  He looked me straight in the eye and told me he would never try it because he was an athlete and knew how bad it was for his body.  I believe him, and reminded him of our family policy of a drug free household.  Still I was concerned that he was around the drug.  

He called me at mid-night one night to pick him up from different party.  When he got in the car I could smell alcohol on his breath.  The next day I told him that I was proud of him for calling me and not taking the risk of driving with someone who had been drinking.  I again reminded him of the risks in under aged alcohol.

And he has tried cigarette smoking.  I know he knows the dangers of smoking so it does shock me that he has tried it.  I do think it is temporary but he needed again to be reminded of the addictive qualities and long term effects of smoking.

Sam has had 2 girlfriends and the most recent he declares he is in love with.  My husband and I are quite worried about premature sexual activity.  I have talked with him once about abstinence and the advised on safe sex practices and birth control.  Most recently I had my husband talk with him reiterating our beliefs and again advising him on safe practices and birth control.

Sam got in a fist fight with a friend over his girlfriend.  Not entirely sure what it was about, but it definitely shows his intense emotion for his girlfriend.  The two boys have since made up.  Ah, the teen years!

Assignment 10 - 14 years

1. What activities and experiences at ages 12 and 14 has your teen been involved in that might promote healthy behavioral practices, physical fitness and skill in sports?

Sam joined the high school baseball team this year and is very serious about his learning of the game.  Being involved in a sport will help Sam stay physically active and help to foster his learning of working with in a group dynamic.   Additionally, Sam's uncle is teaching him how to play tennis, which is a very fast paced high aerobic sport.

As for additional healthy behavioral practices, Sam seems to have reached a point of emotional self regulation.  He has been stressed a bit with the volume of high school work and the difficulty of testing.  We has developed problem centered coping skills, acknowledgement of the problem and the ability to correct it, and emotional centered coping skills.  He goes out and shoots hoops in the back yard to get his mind off his problems for a bit.   Ultimately I think this will help him to learn to keep a cool head when engaged in sports or other activities.

2. Have there been any changes in your teen’s behavior toward you or your partner? Why are these occurring and how are you responding?

Sam's behavior is definitely following the teenage curve.  He has become more argumentative about clothes, chores, curfews, homework friends etc., for the most part we get along.  He recently told us that he felt we were more supportive and approving then other parents.  However, he also felt we were more strict than other kids parents.  Sam is becoming aware of the benefits of our authoritative parenting style.   Although, strict, he understands there are benefits.  

3. Do you see any examples of how cognitive and physical changes in early adolescence (ages 12-14) relate to your teen's social or emotional behavior?

Many cognitive and physical changes are occurring.  He recently demonstrated Stage 3 Heinz dilemma in Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development.  A group of choir students were involved in a stealing incident while on a school retreat.  Sam felt that stealing the items was wrong because the kids were letting down their parents and coaches. He lends his beliefs towards more of a conventional level.    He did not feel that the legal implications out weighed the moral / social ramifications placed on society.

At 14 Sam has really begun to notice women and sexuality.  He is becoming interested in men's magazines and websites involving sexuality.   Why in fact just the other day I happened upon a porn download.  Sam didn't lie he said it was an accident that he downloaded it.  While I feel porn is demeaning to women, I chose to not at this time completely rag on Sam about it.  In stead I opted to open up a dialogue about sex so that he could feel comfortable coming to me about it.  I will definitely late him know my views as we progress through this stage.  I am thinking that I would rather him find fulfillment in a magazine then with another 14 year old girl.   But I am not ready to make it OK.

Sam is also starting to venture into the mischievous teenage antics.  During Halloween it appeared that he was going to go out egging the neighborhood.  Rather than forbidding him to go out I reminded him what was acceptable behavior, ie: no misdemeanors or felonies.  I am hoping the last 14 years of authoritative parenting will help to act as his moral compass.  

Sam has noticed a bit of peach fuzz on his chin and since his friends are shaving he feels he is ready too.  We thought why not so we bought him an electric razor.  He is starting to develop his manliness I don't want to be the first one to strip him of his "man card."

 

Assignment 9 - 12 years old

Sam is surely coming into his own as a teenager.  The signs of puberty are surfacing.  At first it was his behavior that I noticed.  He has become increasingly interested in girls, in fact he was addimit about getting his 7th grade clothes squared away at the start of summer.   He wanted to be certain he was looking cool for school.   Additionally, I came across his personal web page that had some rather crude comments about girls and he had lied about his age and a few other personal details.  I reminded Sam about Internet etiquette as well as safety.   Lieing isn't necessarily new to Sam.  But lieing about his age to "impress" others certainly seems to be a pubescent thing to do.

Sam has been arguing with me quite a bit.  Mostly over chores, clothes and bedtime.  We seem to be working those arguments out by making reasonable concessions like a later bed time for more chores.  He is also becoming more moody.   Sometimes he gets rude with me, which I put in check right away, reminding him to be respectful. 

We had an incident the summer before 7th grade, where Sam and some friends broke into the elementary school to play basketball.  The police notified parents immediately.  Sam was scared and embarrassed.  We felt Sam learned a very important lesson about morals that day.  He knew what he had done was wrong and was willing to face the consequences.  Ultimately we only grounded him for the weekend.  We felt the police and embarrassment coupled with the weekend restriction was punishment enough.

As for physical growth.  Sam is growing like a weed and is always hungry.  I've decided the best thing to do to keep him away from the junk food is to keep a plentiful stash of healthy snack choices in his backpack.  It seems to be helping him make good food choices.   Sam is becoming more and more interested in sports.  He still has not reached his goals of number of home runs and playing in the infield.  We've been practicing at home more often on the weekends to help him meet his own ambitions with baseball.

Sam's temperament has definitely changed.  I first noticed his shifting from a controlled temperament to a more resilient temperament when he turned 10.   He seems to have gotten his timidness worked out.  He is handling his frustrations better and is getting a long better with his peers.  Although a bit quiet Sam is  well liked and  respected among est his clique at school.

The biggest changes that have occurred to affect Sam's temperament are purely us being aware of his over controlled behavior and trying to correct by positive reinforcements and encouraging Sam to become more involved with sports, music, art and school.   I think over the past few years Sam has recognized that he is an intelligent and  talented individual who has much to offer and little to hide.  I believe this has helped his self esteem which has helped him become resilient.

Sam is highly academic he excels in all aspects of study by obtaining straight A's.   Sam is an avid reader and always has been.  We've tried to encourage his reading every step of the way.  Most recently he has become interested in current events, so Sam and I read the paper every morning to discuss events that are of interest to him.  We have encouraged Sam's interest in Science every step of the way by getting him involved in every school science fair we could.  Additionally, he went to Science camp for a week.  We've continued to praise Sam for his great efforts.  Every Semester when Sam gives his best effort we go out to a special dinner and allow him to make a special purchase as a monetary reward for his great effort.  Sam knows his job is to go to school and do well.  We do not feel it appropriate to "pay" him for his grades.  It is what is expected.  We only ask that he do his best.  His best just happens to be A's.  He has certainly set the bar high for his sister.